Thursday, October 21, 2004 | Thursday, October 21, 2004

Wah 5 days of eating fast food (aka BK) is making me fat. And pimply. Not counting the tubes of choc-coated grape gummies and packs of choc-coated toffees i've eaten this past week. Mmm..haha. Studying is expensive. Help me, i need to STOP studying. I can't afford it!

Friday, October 15, 2004 | Friday, October 15, 2004

Today was graduation day!!! (: Ok maybe the fact is that we've all already graduated, but hey, there's still a geog mock exam on next thurs in SCHOOL, plus other days when we need to go back for consultation. Growl. So graduation day doesn't count. That's the thing though: couldn't explain why i felt so sad after seeing the farewell video that mr tee put up for us. Aiyoh, emo emo already! But anyway, i HAVE graduated, i'm eighteen going on nineteen, i'm gonna face the a levels soon, whether i enter nus depends on how well i do, and i'm damn scared. No wonder growing up causes white hairs.

Oh ya, there're some graduation pics that i put up, go see. (: Some funny ones, a little obscene ones, HEHE.

Sigh. Countdown presently to exams: 4 weeks. Boohoo. Wish a levels were more like o levels now. I'm feeling pissed about the 6hour exam day on the 24 nov. Wah lau, geog physical and lit twentieth century all crammed into that one. miserable. day --> 5 essays and 5 drqs altogether. Why why why must cambridge SQUEEEEEZE all the papers?! I tried the 6hour exam day for prelims, and i nearly died doing the second paper. Argh!!!!!! Gimme stamina and endurance!

Take a deep breath. See? It's at impossible times like this you know you should put total trust in God.

It's also at times like these i especially look forward to sundays. (:

Ah yes, watched White Chicks just now too. It's so....suggestive! Ok yes but it's funny too...stress reliever la huh. Spent a good number of minutes staring jealously at these two twins' PERFECT BODIES with perfectly toned stomachs, complete with subtle abs. I need to exercise. I feel F A T.

Ok that does it! I'm going jogging now! My tutor just cancelled the tuition session half an hour before he's suppsed to come. Grr. Struggle so hard to finish his essays on time for nothing. Exercise time!!

Saturday, October 09, 2004 | Saturday, October 09, 2004

Obsessed with sports...YES. COuld have more than half the girls in town....i don't think so! (:

Thanks for the quiz sam!

| Saturday, October 09, 2004

Man, this guy is obsessed with cars and sports, its a miracle he even has time for you. Though, it is interesting that he could have more then half the girls in town and he still likes you best. He might seem materialistic but deep down inside he loves you with all his heart and doesn't really notice you are slightly annoyed or depressed that he always needs to talk about cars. Thankfully, his friends often give him a hit over the head when they notice he talked only about cars while he walked you home. What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^) brought to you by

| Saturday, October 09, 2004

There's a huge tendency to lapse into depression now and again. To put it aptly, let's quote my mum, "Eunice was never the hardworking sort of the three", that is, my brother sister and me. Oh. Fine. I was always the laziest; my results always showed it: lowest for PSLE, O levels. The inevitable..? Inevitable.

Plus, going through my old journals late into the night yesterday, i didn't like me one bit in the period of 13 to 15. I cringe at the memories. Going through those made when i was 17 was heartbreaking enough; the memories gnaw away edges, but still, life goes on. Those made this year: angsty enough yes i can admit. I pray that as each year goes by, i will be a better person. So much as that by the time i reach 70, i will have attained (almost) full perfection!

What i did over the past two days: i actually finished 3 econs essays in a row! And i passed...... :) Dear God, let me be able to do a hundred or so essays by the time A levels roll by (and not kill my tutor in the process).

I realise i'm a compulsive perfectionist. If i do want to achieve something, i'll work my heart out for it. But. BUT. There has to be a clear purpose to me in doing it. And if i'm even the least remotely unsure that i won't get the best grade for it, i give it up. Weak i know. I worked my heart out for those essays, and my face got longer and longer till i felt like screaming when the tutor minused and minused marks away for lack of diagrams in each pt i made till i barely passed some of those essays. Now i know!

And God, please give me the strength to work through the revision schedule i planned. All things are possible through You, so please please please, give me the un-impossible possibility of possibilitiveness in finishing THAT SCHEDULE. Thank you!!

To go for metamorphosis, or not to go?

And to quote aaron, "ONE LAST SHOT; think long term."

Tuesday, October 05, 2004 | Tuesday, October 05, 2004

You know what's so scary about exams as you get by in years? The number of options you have in deciding the future gets smaller and smaller.

The lazy part of me says to relax, not worry, afterall there're so many menial jobs one can take on inspite of limited qualifications.

The alluring whisper of giveitupgirl.

Then the big question of WHAT IF pops up. The mental image of me digging out a livelihood, collecting scrap material for recycling, just to get by on a day-to-day basis? Gruesome. All because i didn't do well for As and get my degree.

Ok maybe that was exaggerating a little, but i do want a good career and i do want my material wants fulfilled. Basic stuff like aircon, green beetle car, artistic house (doesn't matter if its small). A God-fearing good kind spouse. Kids are optional.

I guess living out your life depends on how much self-worth you allocate yourself. If you feel less than worthless, then you are and vice versa. What i want though, although i hate to see it that way, is a darn degree. What frightens me is the thought of getting out of routine.

I want to feel safe in my future. And that big step towards feeling safe, would be a degree.